Put some money on your ball

I believe strongly in 5 philosophies/spiritual governing principles:

• Always be cognizant of your surroundings
  
• Live life with no regrets
  
• Show love to everybody, and carry no grudges
  
• Karma
  
• and most importantly GOD and the resurrection of Jesus Christ
  

On one Sunday morning in March 2007, after a strong night of partying I decided to become a matress Christian, and miss church...besides I had a tee time w/ my fellas, so I figured God would give me a pass

(Editor's note: The last time I skipped church to play golf, it rained like cats and dogs that afternoon)

Our tee time was set for 11:57am, and we were playing at one of my favorite courses in Dallas (although the greens were in lousy condition, but that's neither here nor there). Upon my arrival to the golf course I hooked up w/ one of my boys Walter, and Walter proceeds to introduce me to this older cat named Anthony.

Anthony was extremely polite, very well dressed, and gave the overall impression that he was just happy to be out on the course. After pulling Walter to the side, I asked

"How do you know this guy?"
"I just met him a couple of minutes ago...he said he was looking for a threesome to play with" Walter said
This was a trouble alert already (peace to my Superfriends fans)...but I replied with "cool"

I met up with Theo on the driving range, and I explained that Anthony would be playing with us. Theo just gruntled and replied with "That damn Walter is always picking up strays..."

So we arrive on the first tee, and I got to go first. My drive goes down the left side of the fairway into the near rough. Theo goes next and his drive goes into the deep rough on the right (but it's still playable). Anthony goes next, and his drive proceeds to land in the middle of the fairway...of the 18th hole. Walter goes last and his drive goes into the street. We proceed to hole out w/ me & Theo shooting a bogey, Anthony shooting a double bogey and Walter shooting a triple bogey.

( Editor's Note: I don't mean to insult anyone's intelligence, but in case those of you reading this aren't familiar w/ golf let me break it down:

• Par= the amount of strokes you're expected to finish the hole
  
• Bogey= one more than the amount of strokes you're expected to finish the hole
  
• double bogey=two more.....etc etc etc
  
• Hole out= finish the hole )
  

Now normally a round of golf will take four to five hours (sorry fellas). So in theory, one hour into your round of golf you should be halfway on hole 4 if you're playing at a decent pace.

Okay, playing with Walter and Anthony, it took us 40 minutes to play 2 holes. Theo is upset @ this point and proceeds to just hole out and leave them as necessary. In an effort to pick up the pace.

Let me take time out of this story to tell you more about what I observed about Anthony. This guy had

• Custom Nike Cleets
  
• Taylor Made Irons (READ: Top of the line golf clubs)
  
• a belt w/ emblems shaped like golf balls around it
  
• a Green golf shirt w/ the "TW" (Tiger Woods) logo
  
• a white hat w/ the "TW" logo
  
• hitting worse shots than my unborn child
  
• and his name "Anthony Williams" engraved on his golf bag
  

Now i'm thinking to myself "This dude spends too much money on this golf stuff to be this sorry"

By the time we holed out of hole #4 I rcvd a call from The Court

"Baby, I just called to tell you that Pastor rebuked you"

"Me personally!?!?!" I answered in shock

"Kinda sorta...he basically took an opportunity to call out brothas who had the audacity to make a tee time on Sunday and skip out on church. He went on to say brothas get to a certain level of success, and can't come in and worship God...i rebuke those brothas out there on the golf course instead of the church house"

With a big gulp, I hung up the phone...Theo, still frustrated by the slow play suggests that we leave Walter and Anthony and skip the next hole entirely.

So we skipped hole #5 and proceeded to play hole #6...as we hole out of 6, Anthony and Walter roll up and Anthony suddenly says

"Say brothas, let me have a word with you...now my man (Walter) tells me that y'all are upset w/ us because we play to slow."

"Anthony is not you...it's Walter...the man always plays too slow" I said

"Well look on the second hole, he (Walter) hit my $#!$#!$ golf ball; that ain't my damn fault!" Anthony shouts

Editor's note: in case you're wondering...Walter isn't saying anything @ this point. Walter never does, he's the type of dude that don't really get phased by too much of anything. That being said I continue to play the role of David Banner (the television character, not the rapper; peace to my Incredible Hulk fans (the comic book character, not the drink)) and I don't wanna see Walter when he's angry

Frustrated Theo adds "We just need y'all to play faster, Walter plays this slow all the time and it really frustrates me"

"Well, then I have a suggestion... do you want to put some money on your ball? Anthony suggested

"WHAT!?!!?!?!" Theo and I say

" Do you want to put some money on your ball? Anthony suggested again...because I'll tell you what homeboy...y'all ain't exacty been playing scratch (READ: Really damn good) golf yourselves"

"Anthony, we ain't bettin' nothin" I said

"...because I ain't gonna lie. When I came to the clubhouse, I looked @ y'all and thought to myself 'they look like some high handicappers'(READ: Sorry golfers), so I thought I could hustle y'all out of some money..."

"..but Anthony, how is gambling going to speed up the play of the game?" I asked

"...because if we put some money on our balls, I'll show you what I can do (insert your favorite explicative here)"

Now remember, wifey just phoned me and said that pastor rebuked me for skipping out on church

So we proceed on to hole #7. Anthony steps up to the tee box, and proceeds to hit the perfect tee shot. Anthony's approach shot was beautiful. And he proceeds to bridie the hole (Again for my non golfers, it took him 1 less stroke than required to finish the hole). Suddenly the:

• Custom Nike Cleets
  
• Taylor Made Irons (READ: Top of the line golf clubs)
  
• a belt w/ emblems shaped like golf balls around it
  
• a Green golf shirt w/ the "TW" (Tiger Woods) logo
  
• a white hat w/ the "TW" logo
  
• hitting shots like a scratch golfer (as opposed to my unborn child)
  
• and his name "Anthony Williams" engraved on his golf bag
  

all made sense to me. This dude was trying to hustle us! And I'm sorry, my game isn't good enough where I'm ready to gamble...Anthony proceeds to play perfect golf from here on out while mumbling "y'all sure y'all don't wanna put some money on the ball???"

Theo and I played our regular games...finishing in the high 90s...and Walter, well I think he was just happy to be outside.

We wound up finishing our round of golf in just under 3 hours (remember, I mentioned earlier an average round takes four hours).

So, going forward, if you're ever out w/ me and you hear me say "Put some money on your ball"...that means Hurry up!

Television

For those of you keeping score the following shows I thought were hot did not make it

Daybreak
Survivor w/ the blacks, Asians & Latins (I don't even know who won)
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
and now...the Black Donnelly's are on it's last leg

In this Tivo/DVR/HD channel era, I'm not very good @ recommending shows...and I'm okay w/ that...I know what I like, and a middle finger goes to all of you who don't appreciate my taste!

IMUS

I'm very indifferent about this situation. For those of you who have

been living in a hole, Don IMUS is a liberal political radio talk show host who has been in the game before most us knew what "talk radio" was. Imus can be seen on MSNBC and heard on syndicated radio, and recently he made a huge faux pas that can be read here

In speaking w/ various friends, I was shocked to realize that few ppl knew who he was prior to this comment. (I won't lie, if Keith Olbermann's show "Countdown" wasn't the last thing I normally watched before I went to bed, I wouldn't know who he was either...as MSNBC is usually the first channel on when I wake up).

All that to say, when I first learned about his comment, I was very indifferent. Not from the standpoint of "I can't believe he said that", but moreso "What's the big fuss?? This guy has said crazier stuff in the past."

And quite honestly while I understand the African-American community is outraged (as well we should be), I often pose the question why don't we hold our comedians and entertainers accountable for using similar language? In one of Imus' apology statements he did say (to paraphrase) "I've heard other cultures (Afro-Americans) use the phrase too"

Imuhs has been suspended for two weeks as of 4/16, and now as I type this, I know that MSNBC has announced that they will no longer simulcast his show (this in lieu that Staples, Proctor & Gamble & General Motors amongst others, have pulled their advertising dollars from the IMUS show).

Was justice served? Well, the short answer is no. I'm basing this simply on the comparison of Tim Hardaway's recent comments about the GLB community (more specifically John Amaechi's annoucnement that he is gay; which resulted in Tim no longer working with the NBA CARES organization (an organization that serves as an ambassador, good will program, and community service platform for former NBA players and those closley associated w/ the NBA) within one hour of his making that statement...

So while we continue to wait and see what further fall out is produced from Imus' statements, I'm hoping we as an African-American culture can use this (and the Michael Richards episode) as a good dialogue for the usage of particular words that are used for mainstream America...

( Editor's Note: I just learned as of 4:05pm CST on April 12th that CBS has fired Don IMUS...wow. Was justice served now? )

a light funny

On a much softer note...I have to leave you guys w/ this joke my man emailed me a couple of weeks ago...peace to Warren D for sending!

ELEVEN MINUTES

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot.

He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat,knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her,
what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane...and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.



From the kid who wonders if Betty Wright actually recorded a studio version of "Tonight is the Night"

B. Holcomb

P.S. Peace to my man D. Brown for getting into the blogging game (and sparring us from your essays that your refer to as "emails".) You can check him out right here