The Gift of Gab

There's nothing like a great conversation! Without conversation I could never appreciate how much my lady loved the sitcom Night Court , or how much my man "Peoples" loves the continent of Europe. Or how my man J-Quinn (not to be confused with J-Kwon, but he CAN "Chickenhead" ("Monestary" for my STL brethren) like no other!) went to Atlanta and got mad because there really wasn't such a ride called "The Michael Vick Experience".

Conversating (as my friends like to put it) is a beautiful thing, but not all of us are blessed with the gift of gab. Ladies have you ever wondered why that handsome fellow never stepped to you? It's b/c he can't work the mouthpiece (or maybe he's just not into you...i have been wrong before). And there's my personal favorite:

Have you ever been in an educational setting with someone who handled their biz in the classroom?? But when you take them as a first round draft selection to be in your group project they just dissapoint like a fat stripper at a bachelor/bacheloerette party?? It's because they can't carry a conversation.

But fear not boys and girls. Your guy B. Holcomb is here to provide some quick sure fire tips

But I don't know what to say?
It's not difficult to at all. The first thing you need to do is smile. Ladies, I can't tell you how many of y'all fumble the ball with this advice. Nobody like to talk to somebody who looks grumpy (or as B. Holcomb likes to put it "Wears the ice grill"). Look interested, and listen for your opportunity to jump into the conversation. Note to my fellas: when in a group setting w/ a bunch of men, don't smile too too much b/c in our homophobic society, that can be perceived as "batting from the other side"

If your friends still tell you that you "Look like you're ready to go", think of one of the following thoughts:

• A REALLY good joke you heard the other day (and to make this even easier, think of one of the better Dave Chappelle skits you know of)
• A REALLY good song, I mean YOUR JAM!
• A REALLY funny line in a movie or television show. And if this still doesn't work
• Think of the best sex you've ever had! If that doesn't bring a smile to your face, you're officially "doomed". Not even Dr. Phill can fuck w/ you at this point! (no pun intended)
  
  Okay, I look interested now what?
  Introduce yourself. You'll be surprised how many conversations can begin after introducing yourself. Examples include ("Oh that's a nice name (insert relative here) has that same name." Oh yea keep smiling.
  
  Ok B, quit messin' around I want to actively participate in the conversation.
  
  I'm gonna give you a real good hint. Ladies if you're talking to a man, an easy segway into conversation is "So what do you think about (Choose from The Yankees, The Cowboys or The Lakers)?" Unless you're part of "The 4400" this question is a SLAM DUNK! Everybody has an opinon about the 3 most loved/hated franchises in all of pro sports. This will surely keep the conversation movin'.
  
  I haven't forgot about the flipside either. Fellas, when in conversation w/ a woman/women; ask her what her favorite types of food are. Yo, WHO DON'T LIKE TO EAT?? But the key here is timing; don't jump into a conversation about "Dr. Scholls creams that work well with your feet" and say "What kinda food goes great with that?" (for those of you laffing, I've seen this done...)

Food can spin off into a plethora of topics from diets that failed, to food allergies, to who's the best cook in your family. (Just a caution to fellas: Men who cook are an endangered species. So during this "food conversation" if you have skills (and you're trying to "win") bring this factoid up early and often. And ladies I'm all about setting expectations. If you can't cook, let the man know up front. ..but keep conversating there may be some other qualities that can keep your friendship rolling!)

Okay, those are some basic conversation starters for those gregarious-impaired. Once you get it started, the rest is active listening, and sharing your experiences. Trust me it's easier than I said it is...you'll thank me afterwards ;-) Before I leave I gotta hit you with 2 "conversation stoppers to surely avoid."

1. "How was your weekend?"
Now before I get bombarded with hate e-mail; I put this here to show how we as human beings are not creative in getting a conversation started. From a personal perspective, unless I know you went to some place that I love or plan on visiting...expect not to hear this question from me to often. Matter of fact, if you ever hear this question going forward, this is a true indicator that this person isn't a great conversationalist because they damn sure aren't since w/ this question.

2. "How's the weather?"
This question is how you know you've officially run out of things to say. Unless you plan on visiting the location of the person you're speaking with in the near future...do you really give a damn about how hot it is, and how comfortable you presently are (and vice-versa)? I mean what happens next "Man how do you survive in that??" Oh, and for those of you wonrdering, I feel the same way about ppl who send me postcards talkin' about "Wish you were here." No you don't! Because I'm probably the reason you're on vacation in the first place!!

Going back to "the weather", just understand that there's a reason you hear "soft jazz" or "muzak" while watching the weather channel okay? Alright I'm done...

Still curious as to why McDonalds charges you extra for an Orange Juice for your breakfast extra value meal,

B. Holcomb