Racing maturely

O kay, I know this isn't "the 100" list...I"m hoping to launch that

by the end of this weekend. However, I have the urge to blog about two specifc items...first off, NASCAR





The first week of May 2007 was rather Earth shattering for me. The Dallas Mavericks got eliminated out of the Association's playoffs & I came to the realization that the St. Louis Cardinals are going to have an uphill climb for the 2007 Major League Baseball season. Coupled with the St. Louis Rams being in training camp, and no decent games being released for the Playstation 3, all I had was my golf game to rely on and various scrubby highlights on Sportscenter to maintain my sports fix. During this lull, I suddenly found myself becomming more knowledgeable about NASCAR

Before you ask, the only really thing I know about NASCAR is that their participants get in a car, drive, and make 3 left turns for at least 150 laps depending on the race, and it's a wrap. (Oh yea, I know that NEXTEL is the title sponsor for the major races and that BUSCH is the title sponsor for the minor leagues).

But recently, Jeff Gordon and last year's Nextel champion Jimmy Johnson have been docked 100 points each in the standings, and their respective crew chiefs have been fined 100 stacks and suspended for six races. This news had me shouting "Man that's unfair!" Again, let me remind you that I also know the following about NASCAR:

• Jeff Gordon is one of the most hated drivers by fans of NASCAR because he grew up in California. And b/c Jeff Gordon isn't well liked, he's my favorite driver.
  
• Jeff is #24 and drives the DuPont Car
  
• Dale Earnhardt Jr (or Little E) seems like a really cool guy to party with. He got caught up in some drama involving changing teams, when he went into his press conference announcing this, he looked like he was on his way to a party...collard shirt, w/ the top 3 buttons undone, halfway combed hair, just a cool cat
  
• Dale currently drives The Budweiser car and is #8. However next year his # is TBA but he'll be driving the Sony car
  
• Somebody used to drive a Crown Royal Car. I only know this b/c I almost bought this guy's coat out of Wilson's Leather the other day. And Crown Royal is one of my favorite drinks
  
• In the Busch series, there's a cat nammed Matt Kenseth (?). He drives The Arby's car. I know this, because the last time he won a race, all of the Arby's restaraunts gave away free french fries! And Arby's makes some pretty good french fries
  
• Tony Stewart appears to be the Tom Brady of NASCAR; let's make that the Steve Nash of NASCAR from the perspective of it seems like NASCAR wants Tony to do well. Plus Tony isn't dating any hot models, nor do I believe his baby mamma is as hot as Tom Brady's LOL
  
• Tony drives the Home Depot Car...they bring his car by my local Home Depot when NASCAR comes to Dallas. Tony also has his own radio show on NASCAR radio on Sirius
  
• When Tony wins a race, he climbs fences
  
• Little E doesn't win many races
  
• There are 3 cats in the Busch series who drive cars owned by Wrigley's..I believe there's a Trident, Big Red & Juicy Fruit car
  
• Lastly, the brand name of the car you drive (i.e. Chevy, Dodge) is important.
  

Okay, so back to Jeff & Jimmy. Apparently they cheated. I don't understand how they cheated, but they cheated according to NASCAR. All that aside. Props to Brian France. He has taken NASCAR to the 2nd highest rated television sport in the US behind the NFL. I need to learn more about NASCAR, but already they have me wanting to add to my monopoly collection by obtaining the NASCAR edition...that's the business!!!

Rated "M" for Mature






I was speaking with my mother shortly before my 30th birthday and she asked me what I wanted. After some thought I decided that I wanted the latest video game in the Hitman franchise (peace to "FP" for hipping me to this franchise).

Days later my phone rings, and its mom. I already know what this is about...because the last time my mom bought me a video game Mario didn't have a brother, and his only purpose was not to get hit by wayward barrels thrown by a big monkey named Donkey Kong.

"Benj, I need to talk to you about this Hitman game.."
"Okay" I reply; getting ready for my counter point about the price of the video game.
"...the man @ the store said it was rated M for mature, and it shouldn't be played by most people"
"Woman, I am a grown ass man!!!! How dare you try to impose your morals on to me"
Now if you think that statement manifested itself into the three-demensional world to be directed @ my mother, then I would be composing this blog in the afterlife

What I did say was:

"Um, mom...I am about to be 30...I've been attending rated "R" movies since I was 12, conincedntally that's the same age I was introduced to NWA, and *learned how to curse like a pro*..And you and I went to go see Coming to America in the movies (another great thing to happen in 1988)

*did not really say that either, but did think it*

My mom is a blessing. I will always be her little baby, no matter how old I get...but man that was a quick chuckle

Rated M for "mature" part II

A couple of weeks ago I was in gamestop, about to purchase another controller for our NIntnedo Wii (YO, if you haven't experienced the Wii...get on the bus son!) In front of me was this Hispanic kid, and his father. The kid (who couldn't have been more than 10 yrs old) was about to purchase Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories for his PSP.

The man @ the register then says to the adult "Are you sure you want to buy this for your child? It's rated M for mature which stands for graphic violence, foul language, some nudity, and lots and lots of killing...in other words Muy, Muy Mal*"

Suddenly the father turns to the son, and fury of spanish begins to be exchanged between son & father. All I could make out were the following:

-Que? (What?)
-Pourque? (Why?)
-Muy Muy Mal (Very Very Bad)?
-Nooooo
-juego amistoso (Friendly game)

Then...with the same amount of sadness I had when Dan Deckinger called Jorge Orta Safe in the top of the 9th inning of game 6 of the 1985 World Series, (yes I"m still scorned)

The kid says "Um...I'm going to purchase another game"

Me and Dave (the man @ the register) had a good laugh about that!!

He dropped the game
and so went the glory
and this is the way I have to end this story...
(Interpolation of the last bars of "A Children's Story" by Slick Rick)

GOOD NIGHT NEW YORK!!!!!!

From the kid who still wants an iPhone,

B. Holcomb