MAIL TIME!!!!
Today's edition of "What More Can I Say?" is brought to you in part by the letters "W", "T" & "F" and by the letter "Y"
I've received some interesting feedback via email; BTW, why can't y'all use the comments section below? Matter of fact, I had one friend write me back and say "I couldn't come up w/ a nickname cool enuff to register, so I just decided to write you..." (yes I still laff @ that myself...but I digress).
Back to my email...basically instead of answering these clowns individually, I decided to publish their notes and my responses to you all via the blog. Let's get into this!
B,
Loved your blog! You are a funny cat! Listen, I understand that you're one of the few
baseball fans who are left in the United States (I mean hell, even the IOC (International Olympic Committee) canceled baseball & softball for the upcoming olympics). But see I know your folks...your favorite sport is football...yea, I know dog! And I know you can't wait for Madden 2006 w/ MY QUARTERBACK on the cover!!!
But all that aside B, I understand that you don't too much care for "training camp". Hell even I hate training camp, that's why you see ME and MY AGENT on every Sports outlet talkin' about MY HOLDOUT!! You know I love me some me! But yea I decided to bite the bullet and show up to camp. But you gotta admit I'm the biggest story of the training camp season!! I mean w/o me, (and maybe Larry Brown) sports talk radio would be nothing but Entertainment Weekly right now! Get @ me when you get a second
Curious,
T.O.
Dear Terrell Owens,
First off let me say, that I enjoyed your performance in Super Bowl ex ex ex eye ex! OUSTANDING YOU WERE as master Yoda would say. Secondly, T.O. I'm split on your stance man. The B. Holcomb side of me feels the Philadelphia Eagles organization need to maintain their hard stance against you. For I fear if they give in, you may set a precedent for others who are trying to seek more of that gauranteed money.
However, my alter ego feels you have a legitimate case! I mean who really were Donovan's go to people before you? Stinkston? Freddie Mitchell? Sal Palentonio??? You caught more TDs than any other Eagles rcvr last season, out of the entire Eagles receivng core last year, they only out-gained you in total yardage by 60 yards (Yes, 3 cats combined for 60 more yards than you produced by yourself) AND you were the reason that Brian Westbrook became one of the "sleeper RBs" in Fantasy Football last year!! Yea, they should pay you more says Wilson!
But no man, I can't give you the title of best story in this presason camp yet. And no it doesn't go to Shawn nor Edge. But it's DEFINATELY not you.
...Why??
....Why??
I DON'T KNOW???????
Still wondering what Regine from "Living Single" did for a living,
B. Holcomb
B,
Hey man, LOVED YOUR BLOG! You know in speaking with Jenna and Barbara the other day, they said I need to take my mind off things. So they recommended i get educated right here , and I was diggin' your talent my man...but I am absolutley outraged that you think I'm a snitch!!! As the twins say, "What really good w/ that??"
EMPHATICALLY OUTRAGED,
TURD BLOSSOM
Dear Mr. Karl Rove,
I'm not calling you a snitch, you're just "snitch-ish". But allow me to share w/ you what I know thus far:
Jan 2003- In his State of the Union address, Bush cites British intelligence about Iraq trying to buy Uranium in Africa.
July 2003- Former diplomat Joe Wilson writes in the NY Times that he told the CIA long before Bush's address that the intelligence was suspect
(Later that same month)- Bob Novak quotes "anonymous govrenment sources" that Mr. Wilson's wife (Not be confused with George and Martha Wilson from "Dennis the Menace") is a covert CIA agent. Oh yea, her name is Valerie Plame
(Coincedentally later that SAME month)- Matthew Cooper of Time magazine uses Ms. Plame's name in a cover story
September of that same year-The White house says it's proposterous (My new word) that you were involved in the disclosure of Plame's identity
June of 2004- Bush now pledges to fire anyone in his administration that is a snitch
October of 2004- You testify before a grand jury that's investigating a leak...and your attorney says you're not the target of a criminal probe
July of this year- Newsweek says that you spoke w/ Matt Cooper of Time magazine about Plame in 2003, but did not identify her by name.
Later that same month- Bush comes on the mic and says "anyone who has been dishonest will be dealt with".
Now, the B. Holcomb jury is still out, but given all that above, coupled w/ the fact that the President recently changed his stance from "fired" to "dealt with" (although you can argue that dealt with also means fired), I'm leaning towards "snitch" Mr. Rove...
Still convinced Sivi Afi didn't get his true props during the WWF,
B. Holcomb
...now just as I was about to do some digging I receive this email:
B,
Gotta admit son, YOU have MAD creativty man! I guess even you yourself would even say that your midi-chlorian count was astronomical (LOL).
Say playboy, I don't appreciate you saying that I need to stop makin' bands playboy . Have you seen B5 and Boyz and the Hood???? And on top of that I got the Sean Jean line going strong!!! It's like I told you back in '94 "We don't stop and we don't quit"
Take that-take that-take that,
Diddy
Dear P. Did...I mean Puf...I mean DAMNIT!
Dear Sean,
Look man. I was probably your biggest fan in the Midwest region during the years 1994-1998 while I attended Indiana University at Bloomington. As your own guy Dylan would say, you gave that "Hot Fire" son. (BTW Sean, you had to love that Dave Chappelle skit about your show).
But man I'm watching "Countdown" on MSNBC (and paying extra special attention this eve, b/c Alison Stewart was pinch hitting for Keith this evening. And in watching this w/ my wife, you happened to appear. And then my wife brought it to my attention that you lack creativty dog. Allow me to break this down so it can forever and consistantly be broken down:
a) "Big Poppa"
PRO: Clearly the biggest cross over single for your most famed artist on the Bad Boy Label.
CON: Sampled one of the classic love songs "In Between the Sheets" by The Isley Brothers
b) "Been Around the World"
PRO: Your first breakout single
CON: Sampled "Let's Dance" by David Bowie AND the hook was sampled from "Been around the World" by Lisa Stansfield
c) "Missing You"
PRO: The beginning of you over publicizing B.I.G's passing away, the rise of your "independence as an artist
CON: Sampled "Every Breath I take" by the Police and the Gospel song "I'll Fly Away"
Call it what you want: Oh yea, the dance you did to this song during the 1997 VMAs is the same dance many people do to imitate you when your name comes up.
d) Making the Band 2
PRO: The reality TV precursor to "Being Bobby Brown". Making the Band season 2 was a classic!
CON: Would you really have come up w/ this idea had Making the Band season 1 been a success?
e) Bad Boys of Comedy
PRO: Resurfacing a raw comedy format and nice pre game vehicle for those going out on Friday nights
CON: Would you really have come up w/ this idea had Def Comedy Jam never came out?
f) Carlito's Way: Rise To Power- Fall 2005, supporting actor
PRO: a Prequel to a classic film! Plus this role could give you a more memorable movie part aside from the one you played in Monster's Ball
CON: Still looking for something original
g) LAST ONE...YOUR ENTRANCE TO THE 2005 MTV VMA NOMINATIONS VIA JET PACK!?!?!?!?! (I tried to find the link you guys, but I couldn't...but trust me, it made the news! Just imagine a real life George Jetson going for a "stroll in the sky".)
PRO: WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?
CON: Didn't we see that before in the movie Mary Poppins?
Still givin' you props for the song "Bad Boy 4 Life"
B. Holcomb
Okay everyone...that's enuff for now. My sincere apologies to:
Karrine Steffens & Ma Barker,Jude Law, Stephen A. Smith, John G. Roberts, NASA, Paris Hilton, the CAFTA act, Venus & Serena Williams and Southern Rap Music...I read your emails, but just didn't have time to respond to you all...
Until we speak again,
B. Holcomb
posted by B. Holcomb @ 11:28 PM
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