An evening with the heads

Some of my complaints about the Dallas- Ft Worth area include:

a) No real appreciation for TRUE Hip Hop music here
b) The lack of support the African-American community here shows for concert attendance
c) The blind loyalty of the average Cowboy fan

That being said, last night my favorite rapper alive: Mr. Lonnie R. Lynn (b/k/a Common) came into town, along with De La Soul, Rhazel (from the Legendary Roots crew) & John Legend, so I HAD to check them out (as I said, there's small appreciation for the TRUE Hip Hop here in Dallas). Below are some observations I made while in attendance:

*OKAY!! My people came out to party tonight...on a school night (Monday) nonetheless!

*Why are they making us stand and wait in line if we have tickets?

*Man there's a lot of black folx here

*Why are they making us show ID if we have tickets?

*Damn you mean after all those truth.com ads, KOOL cigarettes are STILL targeting young people??

*What do you mean you don't know who "Rhazel" is?

*I can't believe AG (One of my partner's in crime) and I are the only ones here who know the words to "Lodi Dodi"

*I can't believe AG & I are the only ones here who know the words to "Top Billin'"

*I can't believe AG & I are the only ones here who have somewhere to be at 8 o'clock in the am

*"Yea kid, when Snoop did "Lodi Dodi", he REMADE it"

*I really hope Rhazel doesn't get frustrated b/c these Thundercats don't appreciate his talent...

*WAIT!! RHAZEL!! COME BACK!!!

*"Yes Danny, I'd like to open a tab...please keep the Heineken's flowin' "

*Okay, here comes De La Soul...

*Wow, I never thought these cats could pull of the "Buddy" remix without the Native Tongue family...

*Man there's a lot of black people here...

*I forgot how cold of a beat "Potholes In My Lawn" was

*De La is doing an excellent job of getting the crowd involved with this "Love Ballad" sample by L.T.D...I don't think they're ready for "Much More"

*Good lookin' out on the Heineken Danny

*Here it comes......"and WHAT WE HAVE IS MUCH MORE THAN THEYYYYYY CAN SEE!!!"

*"I play the XBOX while you fuckin' with dykes" LOVE THAT LINE!!

*They have the crowd now...it's time for "Ring Ring Ring"

*Hakim, (another friend of mine) don't worry about what kinda vodka is in your Cape Cod...it's a free drink man!

* "Of the Soul" is definately doin' they thing!

* Why is Maseo constantly looping "Flavor of the month" by Black Sheep?

* Aww damn THAT'S DRES!!!!

*Man did Dres audition for a role as a Hobbit in "Lord of the Rings"?

* Hakim, we may actually get "The Choice is Yours"...LIVE

*What do you mean we aren't ready for it

* uh oh...uh oh... "ENGINE, ENGINE NUMBER 9, ON THE New York...."

* ...BACK ON THE SCENE, CRISPY & CLEAN...YOU CAN TRY ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN'T INTERVENE!!!"

*THAT WAS A GOOD SHOW!!! Thank you Danny

*Man, they didn't do "Ooooh" or "Da Bizness". Maybe Com will come out later w/ "Da Bizness"

*"What up Snook?? (another friend of mine)"

*Rhazel is back on stage, I guess he's the host. But nobody is really paying attention to him now..

* "Yea man, holla at "Danny" at the bar, and tell him you're on my tab

* UH-OH...here comes the string Bass to the intro of the BE album..

*Man, there's a lot of black folx here

*Here's Common, and he's commin' in all out sprint

* "...the present is a gift...and I just wanna BE.BE.BE.BE.BE.BE.BE.BE.BE.BE"

*......AND ON THE COUNT OF THREEE GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Mad love to Com to shoutin' out our Lord who makes ALL things possible...yes I'd like another Heinken, D Massey (another friend of mine)

*Dang, I didn't know this many ppl was diggin' "Faithful"

*Once "Faithful" ends, Com gets to talkin' about this chick that did him wrong...I think Badu is about to come out

*Oh SHEEYT he broke into "Testify"...you know, now the placement of this song on the album makes sense...

*AG, is he about to go thru the BE album track by track??

*AG, it's the beat son! This is your cut! That "Thelonious" fool!!

*"...still doin' this shit like dude from Wild Style...." THAT'S A HOT LINE

*wait they are looping that line...hold up Com is now in a T-shirt...OH SHEEYT HE'S BREAKIN'!!!

*...and then ends up in the B-Boy stance..."still doin' this shit like dude from Wild Style"

*Yes danny, I'd like another Heineken please.

*Com wont' stop!! Now's he comin' with his verse from "Respiration" off the Black Star album

*"...asked my guy how he thought travelin' the world sound? Found it hard to imagine he hadn't been past downtown" I personally feel that line speaks for 91% of the American public.

*Man, Com Sense has A BUNCHA energy! This man's "Cardio" program must be similar to Jerry Rice's fool

*Com keeps pumpin' out the hits "I used to Love H.E.R." "Love of My Life", "Come Close" I wonder if he's going to do "Watermelon"?

*Better yet, maybe he'll bring out De La and they'll rock "Da Bizness"

*So wait, did Common just do a 6 minute freestlye off the dome and shouted out "Deep Ellum", "I-35", "Central Expressway", "Michael Finnley & Dirk Nowitski", "Jerry Jones" & the "West End Plaza?"

*Okay "The Corner"...very hot song!

*"...yes Danny, and this time w/ the Heinken let's you and I do a shot bruh...you are on your job!"

*Man, is Com now going thru the crowd??, oh ish here he comes!!!

*Man lookin' @ everybody's energy & vibe, I'm reminded of that deodorant commercial: "When she sweats, it's sexy...when you sweat...YOU STINK"

*DJ Dummy is nice on the 1s & 2s...but he should've got more time

*"Wow what a show! But he didn't do "Da Bizness" nor did he do "Food".

*Jamiz, (another friend) what you drinkin' man??

*Say FP, (yet another friend) why did Common sign your T-shirt "Love, Common"?? He could've at least put a "1" in front of the word love.

*John Legend??? Man, I dig the cat's music and all, but there's no way he's topping what we just saw

*...matter of fact, why do you put a soul cat as the top billing of an hip hop show? The promoter needs a foot in his rectum for that idea

*Man, John Legend could've played Frodo Baggins & Dres could've played Sam Weiss...those cats are small

*"Danny close my tab...RIGHT NOW!"

*"Alright fellas, I can't do too much more...John Legend is getting ready to slow it down, and I'm still high! I'll shout @ you for the next episode...

Shouts out to AG, Hakim, FP, Malcolm J, Malcolm M., Stacey, Ashleigh, AT, Turo, Snook, Jamiz, D, Craig & Lisa...good to see you all out last night reppin' the Dee Eff Dub

Extra shout out to Common & De La Soul. With the exception of not performing "oooh", "Da Bizness" & "The Food"...y'all did not dissapoint

Still curious as to why Mickey D's charges you extra on the "OJ" for the breakfast value meal,
B. Holcomb

The Gift of Gab

There's nothing like a great conversation! Without conversation I could never appreciate how much my lady loved the sitcom Night Court , or how much my man "Peoples" loves the continent of Europe. Or how my man J-Quinn (not to be confused with J-Kwon, but he CAN "Chickenhead" ("Monestary" for my STL brethren) like no other!) went to Atlanta and got mad because there really wasn't such a ride called "The Michael Vick Experience".

Conversating (as my friends like to put it) is a beautiful thing, but not all of us are blessed with the gift of gab. Ladies have you ever wondered why that handsome fellow never stepped to you? It's b/c he can't work the mouthpiece (or maybe he's just not into you...i have been wrong before). And there's my personal favorite:

Have you ever been in an educational setting with someone who handled their biz in the classroom?? But when you take them as a first round draft selection to be in your group project they just dissapoint like a fat stripper at a bachelor/bacheloerette party?? It's because they can't carry a conversation.

But fear not boys and girls. Your guy B. Holcomb is here to provide some quick sure fire tips

But I don't know what to say?
It's not difficult to at all. The first thing you need to do is smile. Ladies, I can't tell you how many of y'all fumble the ball with this advice. Nobody like to talk to somebody who looks grumpy (or as B. Holcomb likes to put it "Wears the ice grill"). Look interested, and listen for your opportunity to jump into the conversation. Note to my fellas: when in a group setting w/ a bunch of men, don't smile too too much b/c in our homophobic society, that can be perceived as "batting from the other side"

If your friends still tell you that you "Look like you're ready to go", think of one of the following thoughts:

• A REALLY good joke you heard the other day (and to make this even easier, think of one of the better Dave Chappelle skits you know of)
• A REALLY good song, I mean YOUR JAM!
• A REALLY funny line in a movie or television show. And if this still doesn't work
• Think of the best sex you've ever had! If that doesn't bring a smile to your face, you're officially "doomed". Not even Dr. Phill can fuck w/ you at this point! (no pun intended)
  
  Okay, I look interested now what?
  Introduce yourself. You'll be surprised how many conversations can begin after introducing yourself. Examples include ("Oh that's a nice name (insert relative here) has that same name." Oh yea keep smiling.
  
  Ok B, quit messin' around I want to actively participate in the conversation.
  
  I'm gonna give you a real good hint. Ladies if you're talking to a man, an easy segway into conversation is "So what do you think about (Choose from The Yankees, The Cowboys or The Lakers)?" Unless you're part of "The 4400" this question is a SLAM DUNK! Everybody has an opinon about the 3 most loved/hated franchises in all of pro sports. This will surely keep the conversation movin'.
  
  I haven't forgot about the flipside either. Fellas, when in conversation w/ a woman/women; ask her what her favorite types of food are. Yo, WHO DON'T LIKE TO EAT?? But the key here is timing; don't jump into a conversation about "Dr. Scholls creams that work well with your feet" and say "What kinda food goes great with that?" (for those of you laffing, I've seen this done...)

Food can spin off into a plethora of topics from diets that failed, to food allergies, to who's the best cook in your family. (Just a caution to fellas: Men who cook are an endangered species. So during this "food conversation" if you have skills (and you're trying to "win") bring this factoid up early and often. And ladies I'm all about setting expectations. If you can't cook, let the man know up front. ..but keep conversating there may be some other qualities that can keep your friendship rolling!)

Okay, those are some basic conversation starters for those gregarious-impaired. Once you get it started, the rest is active listening, and sharing your experiences. Trust me it's easier than I said it is...you'll thank me afterwards ;-) Before I leave I gotta hit you with 2 "conversation stoppers to surely avoid."

1. "How was your weekend?"
Now before I get bombarded with hate e-mail; I put this here to show how we as human beings are not creative in getting a conversation started. From a personal perspective, unless I know you went to some place that I love or plan on visiting...expect not to hear this question from me to often. Matter of fact, if you ever hear this question going forward, this is a true indicator that this person isn't a great conversationalist because they damn sure aren't since w/ this question.

2. "How's the weather?"
This question is how you know you've officially run out of things to say. Unless you plan on visiting the location of the person you're speaking with in the near future...do you really give a damn about how hot it is, and how comfortable you presently are (and vice-versa)? I mean what happens next "Man how do you survive in that??" Oh, and for those of you wonrdering, I feel the same way about ppl who send me postcards talkin' about "Wish you were here." No you don't! Because I'm probably the reason you're on vacation in the first place!!

Going back to "the weather", just understand that there's a reason you hear "soft jazz" or "muzak" while watching the weather channel okay? Alright I'm done...

Still curious as to why McDonalds charges you extra for an Orange Juice for your breakfast extra value meal,

B. Holcomb